All The Single Ladies
July 1, 2016. A walk around White Rock Lake in Dallas, Texas that forever changed my life. At the age of 32, I found myself wrestling with my singleness and thus wrestling with my Savior. While I knew a Biblical theology of singleness, the practical application of this season of my life had left me discouraged, tired, and honestly just weary.
Whether you married your high school sweetheart, you find yourself on a dating app hopeful to meet a godly man, or you’re recently divorced or have become a widow, singleness often portrays itself in various ways. While a season of singleness looks differently for each of us, the Lord has designed singleness on purpose and for a purpose.
Singles in the Christian sphere often find themselves isolated from the rest of the community. The Scriptures remind us that our identity is not in our marital status. Whether single or married, you are in Christ. Your identity is sure, steady, and not based upon your singleness. And yet, how do we view singleness from a Christian perspective? How do we walk out singleness faithfully and encourage others in this season? Answers to these questions color not only our perspective but also our pursuits.
Your singleness has a purpose.
Why does singleness matter? Singleness displays a kingdom purpose that culture often dismisses. Take a scroll on social media and listen to the lies whispering (or yes, often screaming) to us “the grass is greener on the other side!” And yet, the Scriptures paint a different picture of singleness.
God gives singleness as a gift. He is the author of our stories, the perfecter of our faith, and the sustainer of all. In his letter to the church at Corinth, Paul spoke of singleness as a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7). Jesus himself says that to not marry is better for those “to whom it has been given” (Matthew 19:11). The gift of singleness speaks to the state of being single, recognizing that God has given it to some for a season.
God writes a better story. A season of singleness passes through the fingers of a sovereign and good God. God knows what he’s doing. He isn’t surprised by your singleness. God uses all of our seasons, all of our suffering, for our good and his glory. The purpose of singleness manifests in growth in godliness and glory to God.
Paul describes the purpose of singleness in chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians with the focus on “how to be holy in body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:34). Whether married or single, the Scriptures remind us that it is for our good, “to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35). Those who are single remain free of the anxieties of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:28). It is this freedom that enables the unmarried to be fully devoted to “how to please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32).
Singleness beckons holiness in the Spirit and hope in the Lord. Singleness frees up God’s people to serve him fully and be satisfied in him supremely. Singleness sharpens God’s people to abide in the Spirit, to trust in Christ, to rest in God’s plan rather than our own.
The pain of singleness is not wasted.
But….? While we can mentally ascribe to Biblical truths about singleness, that doesn’t take away from the pain that lingers. Singleness is hard. Singleness presents a number of potential struggles from sexual temptation to loneliness to depression.
And while the Scriptures speak to the purpose of singleness, the redemptive gospel narrative displays the intimacy of marriage. The first institution of the covenant of marriage illustrated in Genesis 2 reminds us that God designed us for intimacy with himself and one another. God tells Adam in the Garden of Eden, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). When we find ourselves alone, we can easily fall into sin. Sin breeds itself in isolation. Singleness thus beckons community. And community breeds gospel-accountability.
Singles play a vital role in the life of the church. Singles are not meant to suffer alone. Married individuals should seek out singles for friendship, accountability, and encouragement. Singles should seek out married couples for friendship, accountability, and encouragement.
Friend, there’s purpose in your pain. Pain always precedes glory. Just look at the cross—the pain of the death of Christ preceded the glory of his resurrection. The pain of singleness either precedes the glory of a wedding day and/or the day of meeting King Jesus in glory, when the bride of Christ will be reunited with the bridegroom. The last book of the Bible speaks to this future union, “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready” (Revelation 19:7).
Single ladies, pursue this season with faithfulness to God and faith in his plan.
In my 33 years of singleness, some days I did well, and other days I failed miserably into sin. So how do you do singleness well? Given Paul’s exhortation in 1 Corinthians, a couple of encouragements come to mind.
Remember that singleness is a gift from God. God has purposed your singleness for your good and his glory. See this season as a gift to faithfully serve God and his people. Savor those Friday nights with your friends, your freedom to take a spontaneous trip to see family, and your flexibility to serve the Lord sacrificially and joyfully. Pursue holiness ferociously. Serve God faithfully.
Rest in the redemptive plan of the gospel. Focus your gaze not simply on your marital status but on a kingdom perspective (Colossians 3:1-2). God has come down to his people and desires a relationship with his people through Christ. Grow in intimacy with God. Abide in his grace to you and his goodness for you.
Married women, remember the prize of Christ and pursue his community.
Singles should not be isolated from the rest of the church. I can quickly name a dozen married couples who pursued me well in my singleness. Seek out those who are unmarried in your midst. Have them in your home for a meal. Invite them to do life with you and your family. Model for them the grace of the gospel on display in marriage and in family. Speak the truth in love to singles (Ephesians 4:15). Remind them of their gospel hope. Remind them of their gospel help.
Married couples should not worship marriage. Marriage matters, but marriage is not ultimate. Your spouse is not your savior. Maintain an eternal perspective of your marriage (Mark 12:25).
God sees you. God hasn’t forgotten you. God doesn’t need your help.
Remember that walk around the lake I referred to in the intro? While praying and wrestling with the only One whose shoulders are broad enough to handle it, here’s the gospel truth that God spoke to me concerning my singleness. A handful of encouragements bolstered me as a single woman: God sees me. God hasn’t forgotten me. God doesn’t need my help.
Sister, God sees you in your singleness. He hasn’t overlooked you. While you might not be “seen” by a godly man for a dating relationship, God sees you. You have his eye. In fact, you’re the apple of his eye (Psalm 17:8).
God hasn’t forgotten you. While others may forget the struggles of singleness, God knows, and God cares. He didn’t move you to the end of his list. He remembers you. According to his steadfast love and goodness, you are remembered (Psalm 25:7).
God doesn’t need your help. He numbers the stars, causes the sun the shine, and remains in control over all. God knows what he is doing. Entrust your singleness to the sovereignty and goodness of God (1 Peter 4:19).
God writes a better story.
Your singleness is plan A, not plan B. God isn’t surprised by your singleness. God isn’t surprised by your marriage. God has ordained the season you are in for your good and his glory.
Whether you take a walk around a lake as I did, or you find yourself crying out to God late in the night or early in the morning, present your requests, your struggles, your hopes to him. Sister, he can handle your pain. God catches all of your tears (Psalm 56:8). Your pain has purpose. Your singleness isn’t being wasted. Pursue your Savior faithfully and present your desires to him fervently. God writes a better story.
Would you like more on this topic? Check out our newest Truth Be Told podcast episode with Lacey and Amy!